ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

Count every "F" in the following text:

"FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS"

HOW MANY?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- It is Not a Joke.

READ IT AGAIN !
Really, Go Back and Try to find the 6F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF"

Circuit For Wiring 2 Switches to 1 Bulb

Hidden Star wars Movie In Windows

Enjoy the hidden movie of STAR WARS in windows.

This is a ASCII movie which is DOS based.

Here is what you have to do.

click ‘Start’, ‘Run’ and type in the following:

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE

Element: WOMEN
Symbol: WO+
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occerrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
6. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs
great quantities of expensive substances.
7. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known
reason.
8. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, good samples can increase your social value.
2. Can be great aid to administration.

TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARD
1. Illegal to possess more than one

You Know You Are Addicted To The Internet When...

• You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.
  
• You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
  
• Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
  
• Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
  
• You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
  
• You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
  
• You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop
  
• You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  
• All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
  
• And even your night dreams are in HTML.
  
• You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
  
• You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  
• You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  
• Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
  
• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
  
• You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new mail arrives.
  
• Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
  
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  
• When looking at a page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
  
• Your dog has its own home page.
  
• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
  
• You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
  
• You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
  
• You believe nothing looks sexier than a nude illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
  
• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
  
• You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
  
• Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
  
• Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.
  
• You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
  
• You don't know what sex your three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
  
• You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
  
• You laugh at people with 56K modems.
  
• Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
  
• You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee, or [C]ontinue?
  
• You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
  
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  
• You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  
• You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
  
• You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
  
• Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
  
• You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
  
• Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
  
• You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
  
• Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
  
• You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
  
• You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0 or higher.
  
• You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
  
• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
  
• You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
  
• You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
  
• You forget what year it is.
  
• You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
  
• You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
  
• You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
  
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider was allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
  
• You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
  
• Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

Upgrading to Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pub Night 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

• A "don't remind me again" button.
• Minimize button.
• Ability to delete the "headache" file
• An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 versions without loss of other system resources.
• An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.

I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first; otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

VIRUS ALERT

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and " never" run any file transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!

Bruce Lee's Profile

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
A: Mu Lee

Q: What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch?
A: Tha Lee

Q: What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?
A: Kha Lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
A: Saa Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?
A: Id Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite festival?
A: Diwa Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite Actress?
A: Sona lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite Music?
A: Qawa lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite film?
A: Coo Lee

Q: When did Bruce Lee die?
A: Final Lee

Q: How did Bruce Lee die?
A: By A Go Lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite hill station?
A: Kulu Mana Lee

Q: Who made this profile?
A: Malya Lee

Flag this message If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.

Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Important Lesson

A True Story:

This Lady has changed her habits after her handbag was stolen.

Her handbag which contained her mobile, credit card, purse etc was stolen. 20 minutes later when she called her husband, telling him what had happened, he said "I've just received your SMS asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago."

When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn.

The pickpocket had actually used the stolen mobile phone to SMS "Hubby" in the contact list and get hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from the bank account.

Moral Of The Lesson:

Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, sweetheart, Dad, Mum etc, and very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through SMS, CONFIRM by calling back.

'Please Pass This On To Your Loved Ones & Friends'

ALWAYS USE LEFT EAR FOR MOBILE PHONES

As Received Save Your Brain

Please use left ear while using Cell (Mobile), Because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly.

This is a true fact from Apollo Medical Team.

'Please Forward To All Your Well Wishers'

A Letter Exchanged Between Husband & Wife.

The Letter Sent By A Husband To His Wife:

Hi Dear SweetHeart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my SweetHeart

Your Husband


His Wife Replied Back After Some Days To Her Husband:

Dearest SweetHeart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1.. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2.. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3.. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4.. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...........
5.. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope

I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your SweetHeart