Simple Friends VS Real Friends

A Simple Friend has never seen you cry.
A Real Friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A Simple Friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A Real Friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

A Simple Friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A Real Friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A Simple Friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A Real Friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A Simple Friend wonders about your romantic history.
A Real Friend could blackmail you with it.

A Simple Friend expects you to always be there for them.
A Real Friend expects to always be there for you!

Some Laws, Which Newton Forgot To State!

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Left-Right Conflict

Look At The Chart & Say The COLOUR!, Not The WORD!

Left-Right Conflict
Your Right Brain Tries To Say The Colour!
But, Your Left Brain Insists On Saying The Word!

Albert Einstein & Marilyn Monroe Illusion

When You Look At This Picture Close Range You See:
Albert Einstein!

Now Stand Up & Take Several Steps Back,

Roughly 15 Feet Away, It will Become:

Marilyn Monroe!

Jesus Illusion

1. Relax And Concentrate On The 4 Small Dots In The Middle Of The Picture For 30 To 40 Seconds...
2. Then, , Take A Look At Wall Near You (Any Smooth, Single Coloured Surface)
3. Start Blinking Your Eyes A Few Times And Wait…
4. What Do You See???

SURPRISED!!!

This Is What Happens When You Stay In One Company For Too Long!!!

Importance of Having Breakfast!

Breakfast can help prevent strokes, heart attack and sudden death. Advice on not to skip Breakfast!

Healthy living
For those who always skip breakfast, you should stop that habit now! You’ve heard many times that “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Now, recent research confirms that one of the worst practices you can develop may be avoiding breakfast.

Why?
Because the frequency of heart attack, sudden death, and stroke peaks between 6:00a.m. and noon, with the highest incidence being between 8: 00a.m. and 10:00a.m.What mechanism within the body could account for this significant jump in sudden death in the early morning hours?
We may have an Answer. Platelet, tiny elements in the blood that keep us from bleeding to Death if we get a cut, can clump together inside our arteries due to cholesterol or laque buildup in the artery lining. It is in the morning hours that platelets become the most activated and tend to form these internal blood clots at the greatest frequency. However, eating even a very light breakfast prevents the morning platelet activation that is associated with heart attacks and strokes. Studies performed at Memorial University in St.Johns, Newfoundland found that eating a light, very low-fat breakfast was critical in modifying the morning platelet activation. Subjects in the study consumed either low-fat or fat-free yogurt, orange juice, fruit, and a source of protein coming from yogurt or fat-free milk. So if you skip breakfast, it’s important that you change this practice immediately in light of this research. Develop a simple plan to eat cereal, such as oatmeal or Bran Flakes, along with six ounces of grape juice or orange juice, and perhaps a piece of fruit. This simple plan will keep your platelets from sticking together, keep blood clots from forming, and perhaps head off a potential Heart Attack or stroke. So Never Ever Skip Breakfast!

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

Count every "F" in the following text:

"FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS"

HOW MANY?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- It is Not a Joke.

READ IT AGAIN !
Really, Go Back and Try to find the 6F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF"

Circuit For Wiring 2 Switches to 1 Bulb

Hidden Star wars Movie In Windows

Enjoy the hidden movie of STAR WARS in windows.

This is a ASCII movie which is DOS based.

Here is what you have to do.

click ‘Start’, ‘Run’ and type in the following:

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE

Element: WOMEN
Symbol: WO+
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occerrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
6. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs
great quantities of expensive substances.
7. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known
reason.
8. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, good samples can increase your social value.
2. Can be great aid to administration.

TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARD
1. Illegal to possess more than one

You Know You Are Addicted To The Internet When...

• You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.
  
• You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
  
• Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
  
• Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
  
• You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
  
• You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
  
• You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop
  
• You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  
• All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
  
• And even your night dreams are in HTML.
  
• You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
  
• You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  
• You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  
• Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
  
• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
  
• You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new mail arrives.
  
• Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
  
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  
• When looking at a page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
  
• Your dog has its own home page.
  
• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
  
• You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
  
• You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
  
• You believe nothing looks sexier than a nude illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
  
• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
  
• You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
  
• Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
  
• Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.
  
• You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
  
• You don't know what sex your three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
  
• You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
  
• You laugh at people with 56K modems.
  
• Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
  
• You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee, or [C]ontinue?
  
• You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
  
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  
• You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  
• You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
  
• You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
  
• Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
  
• You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
  
• Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
  
• You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
  
• Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
  
• You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
  
• You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0 or higher.
  
• You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
  
• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
  
• You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
  
• You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
  
• You forget what year it is.
  
• You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
  
• You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
  
• You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
  
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider was allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
  
• You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
  
• Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

Upgrading to Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pub Night 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

• A "don't remind me again" button.
• Minimize button.
• Ability to delete the "headache" file
• An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 versions without loss of other system resources.
• An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.

I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first; otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

VIRUS ALERT

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and " never" run any file transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!

Bruce Lee's Profile

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
A: Mu Lee

Q: What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch?
A: Tha Lee

Q: What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?
A: Kha Lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
A: Saa Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?
A: Id Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite festival?
A: Diwa Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite Actress?
A: Sona lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite Music?
A: Qawa lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite film?
A: Coo Lee

Q: When did Bruce Lee die?
A: Final Lee

Q: How did Bruce Lee die?
A: By A Go Lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite hill station?
A: Kulu Mana Lee

Q: Who made this profile?
A: Malya Lee

Flag this message If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.

Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Important Lesson

A True Story:

This Lady has changed her habits after her handbag was stolen.

Her handbag which contained her mobile, credit card, purse etc was stolen. 20 minutes later when she called her husband, telling him what had happened, he said "I've just received your SMS asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago."

When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn.

The pickpocket had actually used the stolen mobile phone to SMS "Hubby" in the contact list and get hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from the bank account.

Moral Of The Lesson:

Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, sweetheart, Dad, Mum etc, and very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through SMS, CONFIRM by calling back.

'Please Pass This On To Your Loved Ones & Friends'

ALWAYS USE LEFT EAR FOR MOBILE PHONES

As Received Save Your Brain

Please use left ear while using Cell (Mobile), Because if you use the right one it will affect brain directly.

This is a true fact from Apollo Medical Team.

'Please Forward To All Your Well Wishers'

A Letter Exchanged Between Husband & Wife.

The Letter Sent By A Husband To His Wife:

Hi Dear SweetHeart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my SweetHeart

Your Husband


His Wife Replied Back After Some Days To Her Husband:

Dearest SweetHeart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1.. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2.. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3.. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4.. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...........
5.. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope

I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your SweetHeart

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft


Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.


1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button..
We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Banta

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS

Upgraded To Husband1.0 From Boyfriend5.0

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate



Reply:

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend:
Cooking 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Before & After Marriage

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why r you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

Now After The Marriage You Can Read It From Bottom
To The Top

Home 23 facts about Guys every Girls should know

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

************

2. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

************

3. Crying is blackmail.

************

4. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

************

5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

************

6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

************

7. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

************

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

************

9. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

************

10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

************

11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

************

12. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

************

13. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

************

14. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

************

15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

************

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

************

17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

************

18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

************

19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

************

20. You have enough clothes.

************

21. You have too many shoes.

************

22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

************

23. Thank you for reading this.

************

Drink and Drive

I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.


I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom....
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.

I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?

Upgraded To Wife1.0 From Girlfriend5.0

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"




REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Check your Name With The Meaning

Instructions: What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.

Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (It’s TRUE)
If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

For Example: METONYRH

M: Success comes easily to you.
E: You are a very exciting person.
T: You have an attitude, a big one.
O: You are very open-minded.
N: You like to work, but you always want a break.
Y: You cause a lot of trouble.
R: You are a social butterfly.
H: You are not judgmental.



A: You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B: You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople.
C: You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D: You have trouble trusting people.
E: You are a very exciting person.
F: Everyone loves you.
G: You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H: You are not judgmental.
I: You are always smiling and making others smile.

J: Jealously
K: You like to try new things.
L: Love is something you deeply believe in.
M: Success comes easily to you.
N: You like to work, but you always want a break.

O: You are very open-minded.
P: You are very friendly and understanding.
Q: You are a hypocrite.
R: You are a social butterfly.
S: You are very broad-minded.
T: You have an attitude, a big one.
U: You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V: You have a very good physique and looks.
W: You like your privacy.
X: You never let people tell you what to do.
Y: You cause a lot of trouble.
Z: You’re always fighting with someone.

Newton's Romantic Laws!

Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer
from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "


First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "


Second law:
"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "


Third law:
"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and
opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap."

What Girls Looking In A Man???

Original List (Age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, (Age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens as much as talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, (Age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, (Age 52):
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, (Age 62):
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, (Age 72):
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Why Student Fails In The Exams???

How can a student pass the exams?
Why student fails in exams...?
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because
the year ONLY
has 365' days.

Typical academic year for a student

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and
difficult to study.
Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.
Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15
days.
Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
properly & swallowing)-means 30days.
Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days
Days left 81.

7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays) -40
days.
Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness - at least 3 days.
Remaining days=3.

10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days.
1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????
Balance = 0

"How Can A Student Pass ?????"

Make Firfox 300% More Faster

Step1: Open Firefox and type about:config in the address bar where you normally type a web address.

Step2: Then click the button: "I'll be careful, I promise".

Step3: In the filter bar below the address bar type network.http.

Step4: Double-click on "network.http.pipelining" to change the setting from false to true.

Step5: Double-click on "network.http.proxy.pipelining" to change the value from false to true.

Step6: Double-click on "network.http.pipelining.maxrequests" and change the number to "30". This means it will make 30 requests at once.
(Normally the browser will make one request to a web page at a time. When you enable pipelining it will make several at once, which really speeds up page loading.)

Step7: Several lines above network.http.proxy.pipelining you’ll see
"network.http.max-persistant-connections-per-proxy" and
"network.http.max-persistant-connections-per-server".
Double-click each line and change the value to "8".

Step8: Two lines up locate and double-click on "network.http.max-connections" and set the value to "48".

Step9: Now right-click (control-click on a Mac) anywhere in the configuration (the area where you’ve been making the changes). Select "New" then "Integer".

Step10: When prompted, copy and paste or type the following into the field provided: nglayout.initialpaint.delay.

Step11: When prompted to add a value, enter the number "0". This value is the amount of time the browser waits before it acts on information it recieves.

Step12: Close all windows and tabs. The changes will take effect when you restart Firefox.


These changes allow Firefox to make multiple server connections and will speed up page downloads for better, more efficient use of your broadband connection. If you're using a broadband connection you'll load pages MUCH faster now!

Trick To Show Your Name After Time In Taskbar...

Just Do Like This;

Start -> Control Pannel -> Regional and LAnguage option -> Customize (beside English US) -> Go to TIME tab -> Change AM symbol and PM symbol from AM and PM to ur name -> Apply -> Ok ...


Is it changed, Might be not...
If it is not....

Go to time in taskbar and Double Click it to open "Date and time property"... Look place where time changes in digital form i.e. 02:47:52 AM, Click Arrow to change the AM or PM by selecting and press arrow. It will Show ur name or name that was entered by u, Apply -> OK

Done!

Make Your Desktop Animated

Just Follow These Steps:

1. Right Click On Your Desktop & Click Properties
2. Click Desktop [Tab] -> Click Customize Desktop
3. Click Web [Tab]
4. Click New

Now here u have a dialogue box with a bar of Location: in which u have to paste a gif file web url

Note: u can find it from many websites like

Code:

www.webdeveloper.com

Code:

www.coolspacetricks.com

etc,.....

Go any web site that contains gif animations, open a gif file from there and right click it then click on properties it will show u the url link of the gif file, just copy that link and paste in the location bar. Now click ok. A message will apear

[Add Item to Active Desktop] just click ok it will synchronize the item [u dont have to do anything here] after synchronization Click Ok and Ok again and u are done.